Illuminated and Unafraid.
No fear. No doubt. Just forward.
The most powerful prayer I’ve prayed in the past 2 1/2 years worth of this remarkable phase of my evolution, which I’ve dubbed my “Cocoon Season,” is…
God help my unbelief.
(That prayer was inspired by Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts’ sermon, Hungry for Hope. And I was.)
Before the car accident on 12/31/21 that was purposed to wake me up to my life, I’d gotten to this place where I quietly quit in my life and work. How does a full-time entrepreneur quietly quit? Oh, we can, and we do. And I did.
Sure, I was productive. I was gettin’ to the bag. I was using my voice and gifts intentionally and meaningfully, but I’d quietly quit dreaming and building an inner life that made room for me to live more abundantly (and I’m not talking money) in the world. The truth is that I was still heartbroken from a dream deferred. It hurt less when there was more distance between us. And there was an unbelief that the distance could be conquered. (I discuss that in the first episode of my new podcast, My Innerview! Thanks to all who have listened, subscribed, and shared.)
But there’s something to be said about being sat down due to circumstances beyond your control and having the chance to sit with who and what you’ve become. (And in my case, what a dream deferred had made of me.) With what did and did not work out. With what is actually happening or not happening in your life and why. (PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR LIFE.)
Two questions were helpful for me to ask and unpack honestly at that time, especially:
How much of who you are is what you had to become?
How much of what you had to become is no longer who you need to be?
I asked them whenever a reaction, thought, or feeling arose that felt like a shoe size too small. Like I was outgrowing something. As the feelings, beliefs, mindsets, or behavior patterns showed themselves, I let my curiosity ask, without judgment, where they came from. Then follow-up questions related to the original two…
Is this connected to what I had to become? Is this who and how I still want to be—need to be at this stage in my life? Is this truly serving me?
I began to unravel myself. Pulling back old habits, beliefs, and layers. (Shoutout to the sermons; my then-therapist; my journals, trusted loved ones, and Instagram fam; Alex Elle’s “How We Heal” book; and Blue Telusma’s Own Thy Shift Self-Mastery Workshop. Honey, it was all hands on deck. May we all have the courage to strengthen our emotional intelligence.)
It was uncomfortable. It was humbling. It was ANNOYING AF. But the more I unraveled, the stronger my ability to observe, inspect, and sew up old wounds grew. I carried and handled myself and my spirit differently. I wasn’t as interested in how I appeared or was perceived, I was too busy getting my hands dirty trying to feel for my roots.
My goal was to get as close to me as possible. I’d happily invested so much time in learning how to love everyone else. I needed to know how to confidently love this version of myself.
In the first year after the accident, my desire to heal was stronger than my need to cope. (And I’d spent a LONG time coping.) Anything that could be consumed, tangible or intangible, was up for review and rejection. I couldn’t risk my vulnerability being compromised because I needed to see what I could find through and learn from it.
In 2023, my desire to unlearn and retrain my mind was stronger than my need for comfort. I was teaching myself how to feel safe in my mind and heart, and re-establishing which one was homebase (the heart). This meant standing on business about what did and didn’t serve me, examining my relationship with my emotions, and confronting old beliefs rooted in self-protection. The thing about that last one is…
There was no monster, no enemy that I needed to protect myself from. I was spending today’s energy trying to protect myself from yesterday’s threat.
As 2024 approached, I could sense a shift coming. One of my best friends often says it’s a gift I have—sensing something about to happen and getting quiet so that I can determine how to move forward. This was that. I could sense God saying, “Make more room for me.” I meditated to get a feel for what it was time to release—what needed to be cleared from my plate—and followed through.
What I felt God ultimately asking me for, though, was my “Yes.” And my gut told me that once given, it would mean no longer staying in the cocoon. (This was a bit intimidating at first because I’m still learning this version of myself, and as I do, you’re here bearing witness to that, too. But I guess another way of looking at that is…we’re here together.)
I’d done the work needed to get to this next stage and was essentially told: It’s time.
it was time
so I said yes
I said yes to living
I said yes to loving
I said yes to being
my…
self
illuminated
and unafraid
by Cleo Wade
Book | “Heart Talk: Poetic Wisdom for a Better Life”
I said yes and, sure enough, my plate is now full. I’ve officially relaunched the newsletter, launched a podcast seven years in the making, am working on my first book, and have a major project in development (shootin’ every shot all 2024 and taking my got damn time, respectfully). The pace of my life has quickened, my light has noticeably brightened, and I’m just thankful for all the meaningful ways I’m practicing intentionally holding space within myself for love to flow freely, and overflow into others (like you). Because…
You deserve my overflow not the fruit of my overwhelm.
So, though I don’t know what this year or this season of the journey holds, I know God helped my unbelief, and that led to me saying yes, and now here I am flying.🦋
My prayer for you…for us…is that regardless of what life season we respectively may be in, it’s known that we possess whatever it may require of us to revisit, release, or receive to move forward and fly more freely.
No fear. No doubt. Just forward.
We were made for such a time as this, love. Thank God we’re here together…
Illuminated and unafraid.
Woww…that was an amazing read…God Bless Your Efforts and Fly
High My Sister…..